There is a very seductive lie sold to us in the modern personal development space. It goes something like this: Find your passion, follow your purpose, and you will never work a day in your life.
It sounds beautiful. It is also completely false.
If you are breathing, you will experience friction. Hardship is not an anomaly in the human experience; it is a feature. The question is not if you will face difficulty, but what difficulty you will willingly accept. If you want to build a life of meaning, you must actively choose your struggle.
The Illusion of Easy Greatness
Look at any meaningful endeavour.
Writing and publishing a book is agonizing work that tests your self-doubt. Building a digital agency from the ground up means sleepless nights, managing difficult clients, and terrifying financial risks. Raising a child with intentional parenting requires a level of patience and self-denial you didn’t know you had.
None of these things is easy. Yet, we willingly sign up for them. Why? Because the outcome justifies the friction.
We often abandon our dreams the moment they become difficult because we falsely assume that alignment means a lack of resistance. We think, “If this were truly my calling, it wouldn’t be this hard.” Actually, the exact opposite is true. The most meaningful work is usually the hardest.
When Suffering Ceases to be Suffering
This profound shift in perspective was crystallised for me while reading Viktor Frankl’s work. In my recent review of Man’s Search for Meaning, I highlighted one of his most challenging, yet liberating, principles.
Frankl, who survived the horrors of a concentration camp, wrote that suffering ceases to be suffering the moment it finds meaning.
When you attach a powerful Why to your pain, it transforms; it stops being a random punishment and becomes a necessary sacrifice. It becomes the price of admission for greatness. But this transformation only happens when you consciously choose your struggle rather than letting life choose it for you.
How to Choose Your Struggle Wisely
Since you cannot avoid the hard things in life, you must become the architect of them. Here are five ways to ensure the friction you face is actually building your future.
1. Reject Pointless Pain
Not all suffering is noble. Staying in a toxic job out of fear is pointless pain. Enduring a bad relationship because you are afraid of being alone is pointless pain. This kind of suffering degrades you. To effectively choose your struggle, you must first ruthlessly cut out the friction that is slowly destroying your spirit without offering any return on investment.
2. Embrace the “Chosen Hard”
The exhaustion I feel after a long night of writing the Reflections series is a “chosen hard.” The stress of balancing multiple creative projects is a “chosen hard.” This kind of friction builds you. It refines your character and moves you closer to your ultimate vision. When you choose your struggle, you are choosing the specific pain that leads to your specific growth.
3. Audit Your Current Friction
Take a hard look at what is stressing you out right now. Is the pain you feel today leading to the future you want tomorrow? If the stress of your current job is only leading to a slightly higher-paying version of the same stressful job, you might be in the wrong arena. You need to choose your struggle differently.
4. Stop Waiting for the Perfect Time
Many people avoid pursuing their hidden treasure because they are waiting for a time when it won’t be so difficult. They wait for the kids to grow up, the economy to stabilize, or the inspiration to strike perfectly. That time will never come. Conditions will never be flawless. To choose your struggle means stepping into the arena right now, amidst the chaos.
5. Redefine the Friction as Data
The next time you hit a wall in your creative work or your career, don’t ask, “Why is this so difficult?” Ask yourself, “Is the goal on the other side of this wall worth the climb?” If the answer is yes, then the difficulty is just data. It’s simply proof that you are doing work that matters. It confirms that you made the right choice when you decided to choose your struggle.
The Power of Your Choice
You have the power to decide what you will bleed for. Don’t let society, fear, or a desire for comfort make that choice for you.
Life will always demand a toll. Make sure you are paying it on the road that leads to your authentic self.
What is a pressure you are currently facing, and why is it worth the struggle? Share your thoughts in the comments!
