About a month ago, I was hosting a live Q&A session on YouTube. The energy was great, the conversation was flowing, and I was in the middle of making a point I was really passionate about. And then, in an instant, everything went black.
The lights went out, and I was left sitting in the sudden, silent darkness, my brilliant point lost to the ether. My initial reaction was a hot surge of frustration. All that planning, all that momentum, gone in a flash because of something completely, utterly outside of my control.
That feeling is a familiar one for all of us, isn’t it? So much of our daily stress comes from fighting battles we can never win—the battle against the uncontrollable.
This experience reminded me of a simple but life-changing mental model that will help anyone trying to build a meaningful life in this VUCA world: the circle of control. Understanding this concept helps you separate what you can influence from what you can’t, allowing you to reclaim your focus, peace, and power.
The Two Circles: Control vs. Concern
Imagine two circles, one inside the other. This is the foundation of the circle of control model.
The Inner Circle (Your Circle of Control)
This small, powerful circle contains everything you have direct dominion over. It’s shorter than you think, but it’s where all your power lies. It includes:
- Your actions and your effort.
- Your attitude and your mindset.
- The words you choose to use.
- How you respond to events.
- The skills you decide to build.
The Outer Circle (Your Circle of Concern)
This much larger circle contains everything that affects you but that you cannot directly control. For those of us in Nigeria, this circle can feel particularly large. It includes:
- The traffic on Ikorodu Road.
- Whether NEPA decides to provide light.
- The state of the national economy.
- What other people think or say about you.
- Whether it rains on your wedding day.
The High Cost of Living in Your Circle of Concern
When we spend all our time and energy focusing on the outer circle, we set ourselves up for failure and frustration. It leads to chronic anxiety, anger, and a victim mentality, where it feels like life is always happening to us.
Think about my YouTube stream. I could have spent the rest of the evening fuming about NEPA, complaining on X, and letting that frustration ruin my night. That would be living in my Circle of Concern. It’s a massive waste of energy that achieves nothing. You become a reactor, not a creator.
Putting the Circle of Control Into Practice in 3 Steps
Here’s how to practically apply the circle of control to your own life.
1. Identify Your Worries
Take a piece of paper or open a notes app. For two minutes, write down every single thing that is currently stressing you out, big or small. Don’t filter, just list them.
2. Sort Your Worries into the Two Circles
Draw two circles. Now, go through your list and place each item in either the inner Circle of Control or the outer Circle of Concern. This simple act is incredibly clarifying. You’ll likely realize that 90% of your anxieties live in the outer circle.
3. Create an Action Plan for Your Inner Circle
Now, ignore the outer circle. Let it go. Look only at the items inside your circle of control. For each one, define one small, immediate action you can take.
In my YouTube example, once the initial frustration passed, I realized what was in my circle of control:
- My Response: I could choose to laugh it off instead of getting angry.
- My Actions: I apologized to my audience and went on with my backup plan.
- My Future Preparation: I decided to invest in a better power backup solution for future streams.
Focusing on these actions turned a moment of helplessness into one of constructive problem-solving.
Where True Power Lies
True power and peace don’t come from controlling the world around you, but from mastering the world within you and learning how to find inner peace amid the chaos. When you dedicate all your energy to your circle of control, a funny thing happens. The circle itself begins to expand.
By consistently taking positive action on the things you can control, you slowly gain more influence and resilience, and the things in your Circle of Concern seem to have less and less power over you.
What is one thing from your ‘Circle of Concern’ that you will consciously choose to let go of this week?
