Does life suddenly feel… different?
Perhaps a restlessness you can’t quite name, a questioning of the path you’re on, a sense that something’s missing, even if everything looks fine externally. It’s a feeling many encounter, often labelled a midlife crisis.
While I haven’t personally experienced a midlife crisis in the classic sense, I’ve seen friends, family, and colleagues wrestle with the profound questions and shifts around their 40s and 50s. I recall seeing my uncle suddenly question careers they had poured decades into, feeling a deep disconnect.
This piece draws from those observations, deep empathy, and the core belief that even unsettling times hold immense growth potential if we approach them consciously.
If you’re experiencing what you think is a midlife crisis, feeling lost, or finding that life doesn’t make sense right now, this post is for you. Let’s explore this challenging, yet potentially transformative, phase together.
What’s Really Going On? Understanding the Causes of Midlife Crisis
So, what exactly is this mid-life shift? Generally, it’s seen as a transition period, often hitting somewhere between our late 30s and early 60s.
Psychologists like Erik Erikson talked about this stage involving a grapple between contributing meaningfully to the world (generativity) and feeling stagnant. It’s often less about one single event and more about a dawning awareness, a change in perspective.
From what I’ve observed, the triggers can be incredibly varied. I’ve attempted to classify them into three;
- External Life Changes: Events like children leaving home, career plateaus or job loss, relationship breakdowns, the illness or death of loved ones, or becoming a caregiver for ageing parents. These can fundamentally shake our sense of identity and force us to confront change.
- Internal Shifts: Perhaps more frequently, it’s a quieter, internal reckoning. An increasing awareness of mortality, a sense that time is finite, prompting urgent questions about how we really want to live the rest of our lives. It might be a feeling that the life built no longer aligns with your core values, leading to that deep human ache when life doesn’t make sense. (You might find resonance in our piece on When Life Doesn’t Make Sense: Effective Strategies for Coping).
- The Search for Meaning: A growing realisation that you’ve perhaps been living according to someone else’s script – society’s, family’s, or even your younger self’s definition of success. This disconnect fuels the powerful, universal search for meaning and authenticity, often intensifying in midlife. Are you truly living your life, aligned with your values? This questioning is central, sometimes feeling as profound and disorienting as an existential crisis.
Recognising the Signs of Midlife Crisis
The actual signs of midlife crisis or transition are often far more internal, subtle, and deeply personal. Recognising them in yourself or observing them with empathy in others requires looking beyond the surface drama.
Common feelings and behaviours that may reflect that inner questioning and desire for change might include:
- A persistent restlessness, boredom, or feeling vaguely dissatisfied with life as it is.
- Deep dissatisfaction with career paths, relationships, or overall life direction, regardless of external markers of success.
- Intense nostalgia for the past, sometimes idealising youth, freedom, or perceived missed opportunities.
- Frequent questioning of past choices but amplified during this phase.
- Feeling empty, profoundly stuck, trapped, or uncertain how to move forward – a universal feeling that can become particularly acute when facing the perceived halfway point of life.
- A sudden, urgent desire for significant change in appearance, habits, lifestyle, job, and location, sometimes emerging before the underlying ‘why’ is fully understood.
- Noticeable changes in mood (irritability, sadness, anxiety), energy levels, or sleep patterns.
- An amplified focus on health and aging, or conversely, engaging in behaviours that seem to deny it (risk-taking).
As I’ve seen time and again, the midlife crisis doesn’t always manifest as a loud implosion.
For many, it’s that quiet, persistent hum of discontent, that internal signal whispering (or sometimes shouting) that a re-evaluation is due. It’s often less about a dramatic breakdown and more about an insistent internal call for a breakthrough in self-awareness, meaning, and authentic living.
Crisis, Crossroads, or Invitation? Choosing Your Frame
Here’s where we need to consciously choose a perspective. Is labelling this profound, natural phase a “crisis” the most empowering frame?
While it validates the real turmoil many feel, the word itself can feel heavy, loaded with connotations of failure or breakdown. What if we reframed it, embracing the complexity and potential of human growth?
Consider it a crossroad; A natural, universal point in life’s journey where you need to take a pause, look around with intention, and choose your direction consciously, rather than continuing down a path that no longer serves you.
Or perhaps view it as an invitation; A potent call from your deeper self, from life itself, to wake up. An invitation to shed layers of expectation, outdated beliefs, or roles that no longer fit. An invitation to courageously step towards a life more deeply aligned with your authentic values and that persistent, essential human search for meaning.
This shift in perspective is transformative. It moves you from feeling like a victim of age or circumstance into the empowered author of your next chapter. It pushes you to redefine success on your terms so you can live life fully and authentically, regardless of the calendar page.
Practical Steps for Handling a Midlife Crisis
Okay, reframing is a vital first step, but then what? Here are some starting points, drawing from approaches I’ve seen prove genuinely helpful for those facing a midlife crisis:
- Tune In & Reflect: Carve out dedicated quiet time, even just 10-15 minutes a day. Journal freely. Ask yourself the big, sometimes scary, questions: What truly matters to me now, at this stage? What feels misaligned or drains my energy? What am I genuinely longing for? What does fulfilment look and feel like in this chapter? Don’t pressure yourself for immediate answers; simply create space to listen to your inner wisdom.
- Connect Authentically: Talk to people you trust implicitly. Share what you feel comfortable sharing. Sometimes just voicing the swirling thoughts reduces their intensity. It is equally important to reconnect with yourself. What activities, places, or people bring you simple joy, peace, or a sense of being truly ‘you’? (Our community here is also a space for sharing these journeys)
- Embrace Experimentation: You don’t need a perfect, five-year plan immediately. Permit yourself to experiment. Dip your toe in. Take that intriguing pottery class, learn basic coding online, start that small side project you’ve dreamed of, and volunteer for a cause that sparks something in you. Small experiments provide invaluable real-world data about what lights you up now.
- Redefine Your Productivity: True productivity in midlife might mean shifting from relentlessly ‘doing more’ to consciously ‘being more’ and choosing activities aligned with your redefined purpose and values. Review your commitments with a critical eye. Where can you create space by letting go? Learning to say no strategically is essential for creating the capacity to say ‘yes’ to what truly nourishes your soul now.
- Seek Guidance Wisely: If you feel stuck in the re-evaluation process, overwhelmed by emotions, or if the signs of a midlife crisis are severely impacting your well-being, seeking external support is a sign of profound strength and self-awareness. This could be a qualified therapist (especially important if symptoms overlap with clinical depression), a life or career coach, a spiritual advisor, or a supportive community group focused on personal growth. Find resources and professionals who resonate with your values and goals.
Your Evolution is Calling; Answer It
This midlife passage, call it a crisis, crossroads, transition, or awakening, is ultimately part of the rich, complex, challenging, and beautiful universal human journey.
It’s demanding, yes, but it holds immense transformative power if you bravely lean into the re-evaluation it invites. And yes, It is never too late to pivot and move towards a life that feels more truly, authentically yours.
Here at Definitions by Adebajo, we champion the courage it takes to question the status quo, redefine success on your terms, and live purposefully, at every stage.
You can also explore our other articles on finding meaning or navigating difficult choices, and be sure to subscribe for ongoing support and inspiration in crafting your uniquely fulfilling life.
